The 90s‍ ‍- Hated coffee, hated tea.

Who lets kids drink coffee?

2000-2003 - Hated coffee, tried tea.

We're still young here. We don't need tea, it's what my parents drink and I want to be like them. The veins flow with natural energy - derived from the sun, the moon, magic in the air, the freedom of not paying taxes, rent, or bills.

2004-2007 - Disliked coffee, loved tea.

The cool people all drank coffee. I think they were pretending to be grown up. They couldn't like it, surely. I didn't know it, but it had its eye on me even then.

2007-2011 - University. Red Bull... Monster.

All-nighters on essays, all-nighters with friends, how did I live with so little sleep? The cans in the bin, on the counters, under the bed. Alcohol and caffeine. Sleep was optional. It was biding its time but I didn't notice.

2011-2015 - First job. The machine.

I got a job. I was earning money, feeding myself, living away from home. Responsibility. There was a drinks machine in the office to keep the workers fuelled. I was fuelled. I was efficient too. There were codes, incantations you could recite to the machine to deliver fuel specifically for you. Code 330 - tea with milk. Once an hour like clockwork.

330

The veins flowed with tea.

2016-2019 - Laid off the energy drinks.

The machine had all I needed. Even when it wasn't enough. That's when the codes started to change. 340, 341, 450. I had started to use its codes, its incantations. It gave me mochas, and lattes. It was no longer circling, it was making its move.

2020-2022 - A new way of life.

A mortgage, a postcode, council tax. A car, insurance, road tax. The sun was shining brighter. The wind smelled fresher. The moon was smiling down on me. It felt like freedom.

Then, the pandemic.

I started to work from home. No office. No machine. No codes. While the world was locked down, I was stepping outside. I was one of the lucky ones.

It had lost its grip.

Then Black Friday, and with it, a deal I couldn't refuse. A Nespresso machine, half price. Coffee pod deliveries for twelve months. I carried it into the house myself.

It was me that let it back in.

2023-2024 - Addiction sets in.

Cappuccinos now. The flavour is no longer hiding.

I got the jitters from coffee once. Weird - like being pushed around by invisible hands. It knows what I like. It knows what I want.

I started drinking it black. It warms me from the inside and I yearn for it. One is not enough. Two is not enough. I now sing its praises as one of its servants, one of its recruiters. I am no longer free.

2025-present - The veins flow with coffee.

I haven't seen the sun for days. The moon hasn't seen me. The air is just air. I am sustained by the cup and the cup alone. The warmth, the smell. It talks to me now and I talk to it. Sometimes I think that we are one and the same, but when it is gone I am reminded that we are not. I must feed it. I must keep it here, with me. I am small and the world is vast. I am treading water and the strength to keep going comes only from it. There is no more me, not quite. It has me, wholly.

Fitting, really, for a Caffeine Addled Mind.

Author's note. This piece started as a small idea about how much I like coffee now, and how much of a surprise that is considering I disliked coffee for longer than I've liked it. But while writing it, I felt the coffee become sentient and wanted to explore that more. What started as a small idea for content turned into actual creativity and art, and that makes me pretty happy. I haven't written a short story since high school. I hope to write more :-)

— Alex

A Chronology of Caffeine

May Update